


When the Water Has Run Dry

by mellowdee



Category: Scarlet heart, 달의 연인-보보경심 려 | Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 18:13:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8456695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellowdee/pseuds/mellowdee
Summary: Go Ha Jin tries to find herself.





	

It happens again.

Ha Jin sits awake in her bed as pieces of her dream waltz around her in a haze.

She dreams of _them_ this time – remembers all of them. 

She remembers Eun and his big eyes and warmth. She remembers the handmade puppets, remembers how his face lit brighter than the sun.

She remembers the others too. She sees a sheet of white, footprints (large and small) on a path to nowhere. She remembers Wook’s hand and the innocence he once had.

She remembers Baek Ah and drinking contests and feeling the bond of friendship that could never be matched in any lifetime.

She remembers them.

She misses them.

Ha Jin sits awake, looks over at the clock (4:05am, it glows). She wipes away her tears.

She begins another day.

\--

Ha Jin doesn’t mind being assigned the early shift. The Ha Jin from before (the _younger_ Ha Jin, she calls herself) always preferred the later shift, wanting to sleep in after endless nights of youth and night owl habits. But now, she prefers the quiet of the morning hours, the slow change of dawn to daylight, a chance to let the shadows of her dreams dissolve in the sun.

She quietly cleans off the counter surfaces, restocks on new products behind the shelves. She works slowly and methodically – something she’s learned from her past life. 

(The younger Ha Jin was just as precise and passionate about her work – but perhaps not as patient.)

The early shift means being alone for the first few hours of the workday, something Ha Jin doesn’t mind either. She’s worked hard to reconnect to life, to this life, this past year after nearly drowning.

But now that she remembers – 

She’s tired. She feels older than she is. She holds more than she can.

Ha Jin looks around the clean and bright shop satisfied with her work. Her eyes shift out of the glass doors and see the slow turn of morning patrons begin to form.

She sighs and then smiles.

(She remembers folded animal towels, gifts of roses from Bulgaria, a sweet baby girl with her smile. Ha Jin holds on to these shadows this morning, she can’t bear to let them go. Not yet. Not today.)

\--

On her days off, she walks around the nearby garden in her neighborhood. She walks and walks and walks. She walks until she sees every tree, every flower, all the leaves she can. 

She wonders how old these living statues are. 

_Have you seen as many things as I have_ , she wonders. _Do you have stories to tell too?_

She sits on a bench under her favorite tree. It’s not the biggest one or the most beautiful. Instead, the tall branches gnarl to the east, as if reaching for something beyond its reach. The darkened, battered trunk has strips peeling away and a large scarred marking stretches all the way to the invisible roots below. Ha Jin always chooses to sit near this tree, her tree.

Sometimes, she wants to stand on her bench, reach up to the tree, and feel the long crater on the tree’s surface. She doesn’t.

Instead, she sits at her bench, watches the people go from one direction to another, watches as the world continues to spin, move, go on – never looking up to see her or her tree as they stay constant and still.

\--

Ha Jin finds bits of Hae Soo in her daily life.

On slower days at the shop, she finds herself doodling in a script and language that she isn’t quite familiar with yet comes to her naturally. _Sit and watch for the rising clouds…_

At the local coffee shop, she finds herself ordering an unfamiliar and older tea, and when the barista looks at her with a questioning face, she shakes her head and asks for an iced coffee instead.

When the weather is cool and crisp in the early mornings, she finds a deep phantom ache in her left leg that she’s never had before. She rubs it tenderly, stretches it out, and continues her day. (The pain seems to linger longer and deeper than she cares to admit.)

Sometimes, she finds herself reaching up in her hair for a pin that isn’t there.

And those days – those days, she feels the weight of both of her lives heavy in her heart.

\--

Some days, she dreams of events that happened – dreams of bowing before King Taejo, dreams of Court Lady Oh’s lessons and scolding, dreams of brothers and tea.

Some days, she dreams of being beaten, of being whipped and thrown around like a play doll. Some days, she dreams of blood and blood and death and more death.

Some days, she dreams of things that could have happened. Of being old, gray, and happy, of holding someone (the only one) she loves, of looking up at the glowing stars in the familiar dark sky and wondering if they shine bright just for her and him.

Until one day, she realizes – she stops dreaming.

Stops dreaming of her life as Hae Soo. Stops dreaming of the palace, of Goryeo, of the stars and moon and boats across the pond.

Stops dreaming of him.

And when the dreams stop, she’s more afraid than she’s ever been.

\--

Ha Jin loves the changing seasons – how the heat and humidity of summer shifts to the welcome chill of autumn. It’s one of the few things that stay constant throughout time, she thinks. The sun rises, the moon rises, and the seasons change.

She’s walking longer than usual in her garden, taking in the first cool breeze of fall. She notices the slightly larger crowd surrounding her as well – the mother’s with their children, the grandparents holding hands. 

_Everyone’s enjoying the change_ , she thinks.

She smiles. For once, she doesn’t feel so alone.

A dull ache begins to build in her knee, and she turns to her bench and her tree to rest.

Wishing she had brought a sweater or gloves, Ha Jin pulls her sleeves farther down her hands as she reaches down to gently rub at her knee.

“Excuse me?”

Ha Jin turns to the voice and stills completely.

His face – his face is so familiar. His eyes are sharp but welcoming, his hair shorter, more modern than before. He’s wearing a dark blazer under a darker scarf. He smiles then, seeing as he has her attention. Ha Jin realizes he’s holding something out towards her.

“I think you dropped this,” he continues.

She’s afraid to look anywhere but his face – afraid this is a dream and she’ll awake and forget his face.

That she will forget him.

Ha Jin takes a breath, her hand moving and clutching gently at her chest.

She sees that he’s holding out her ID holder – her bus pass and ID under the clear window.

Her hand moves to her pocket where she thought she had it.

He smiles again. “You’re…Go Ha Jin, right? I found this right over there. I believe you might have lost it?”

A sudden chill overcomes her and she feels her breath escape. “Yes – yes, thank you,” she replies slowly. “Thank you. It…it must have fallen out of my pocket.”

Her hand reaches out to meet his. She realizes then how much she’s shaking.

The man notices too, and she sees a wave of concern cross his face. “Are you alright?”

Ha Jin takes her ID and holds it in her lap, shaking her head gently. “Yes…yes. I’m fine. Just…cold,” she tries to explain. She offers him a small smile (wonders how she can offer him more). “Thank you again.”

In all of her other dreams, her mind is overwhelmed with things to tell So, of things she wants to share with him, of how sorry she is, of how much she misses him, of how she wishes she could change everything.

Right now in this moment, Ha Jin is blank and still. She chooses to say nothing, chooses instead to memorize his face, this familiar face that she hasn’t seen in so long.

Then, she sees him cock his head to the side and smile again. She’s seen this look before.

He takes off his scarf and takes a step closer, offering it to her. “You look like you need this more than I do.”

She has no time to object or refuse as he gently places the scarf in her hands.

“Take care of yourself, Go Ha Jin-shi,” he says before giving her one more smile.

She looks down then, feels the heat of the scarf on her fingertips. When her eyes gaze back up, she sees him walking away, further and further, until she can’t find him in the crowd.

Ha Jin holds the scarf in her hands, her fingers gliding over the smooth fabric. She doesn’t put it on. Instead, she waits until she wakes from the dream. 

_Because this must be dream, right? Fate wouldn’t be so cruel to me. Fate wouldn’t bring him back to me._

It’s only when the sun starts to hide beyond the horizon and the breeze turns into a brisk dusk that Ha Jin realizes she never saw a scar on his face. 

She isn’t dreaming.

\--

“You’re acting different.”

Ha Jin turns from the cosmetic counter. “What?”

Her coworker, Se Ra, looks at her with narrowed eyes. “Is it a man? Are you dating someone? Have you met someone?”

Ha Jin shakes her head as she takes a tray of new products to the shelf. “What are you talking about?”

Se Ra shrugs. “I don’t know. You seem…happier? Awake? Alive?” 

Both of them pause. Se Ra reaches for Ha Jin. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. It’s just that – that…I know the last year has been hard for you after what happened. You’ve been through so much and you seemed so…sad lately,” she explains. “But you’ve been smiling a little more lately. Your leg doesn’t seem to be bothering you as much. It’s just…I’m happy you’re happy again.”

Ha Jin looks at her friend then, sees the concern and hope in her eyes.

She realizes then that it’s time to start letting go of the things that have let go of her centuries ago.

“I think I feel more like…myself lately,” she says. “I am happier.”

Se Ra smiles. “Good.”

“Good,” Ha Jin copies with a laugh.

(And later when Ha Jin is finished with her shift and walking home, she wraps the scarf a little tighter around her neck and smiles a little more.)

\--

Ha Jin likes writing on her bench under her tree. She’s read that keeping a journal can be therapeutic and relieve people of stress and anxiety. So, she starts writing. It’s difficult at first. She’s unsure where to start or what to write.

She finally decides to write whatever is on her mind.

_Today, at work, I did a complete makeover for an unnie in her 40s. She wanted to look pretty for her husband. I told her she should look pretty for herself and for nobody else. She seemed to like that answer._

_Last night, Se Ra and I went drinking and singing. Well, Se Ra did most of the drinking and singing, I was more of a cheerleader and designated friend. It was fun, but I don’t know how I used to do this all the time when I was younger. Is this what getting closer to 30 feels like?_

_Sometimes, I find myself taking naps when I can. A small twenty minute one here, a longer hour one there. Sometimes, I do it because I feel tired. Other times – other times, I hope I will dream of him._

There are weeks when she writes every day, multiple times a day, and there are weeks when she writes nothing at all.

She sits at her bench holding her pen and journal, looking up at her tree.

“Looks like that scarf is being put to good use.”

Ha Jin nearly drops her pen when she turns to the familiar deep voice.

“Hello,” he says with a small wave. He motions towards her bench. “Can I join you?”

She nods carefully before scooting closer to one side.

“Go Ha Jin, right?” he says again.

“Yes,” she replies. She tucks her pen inside her journal, focusing on slow movements to calm her shaking hands. “You remembered?”

“I try to remember the name’s of people I gift scarves with,” he says. He leans in closer. “Luckily, you’re the only one.”

That makes her smile a little, and she sees that he’s satisfied.

She shakes her head suddenly, moving her hands to her neck. “I – I should give this back to you. I shouldn’t have taken it in the first place and – “

Suddenly, his hands graze against hers and she’s still again. He realizes his sudden movement and draws his hands back. “I’m sorry, I just – please. I gave you that scarf. It’s yours now.”

Ha Jin realizes he’s looking at her now. Waiting for her next move. She slowly brings her hands back down to her lap. 

“Thank you. For the scarf and for your kindness,” she says.

She sees him sigh a small breath of relief.

“I’m Lee Jun Su,” he says with a smile. “It’s nice to meet you again, Go Ha Jin-shi.”

“Lee Jun Su?” she repeats. “You’re name is Jun Su?”

He nods. “Yes.”

“Jun Su,” she repeats to herself. It feels different on her lips – like all of the other names she’s called him – Prince, King, So. My love. She says it over and over again to herself.

Suddenly, she looks at him. “Do…do we know each other?”

His eyebrows gather as he considers her question. “I…I don’t believe we do. I don’t believe we’ve met before.”

 _We have_ , she thinks. _I believe we have._

She shakes her head, scolding herself for asking that. “I’m sorry. I think…it’s just that…you remind me of someone I once knew,” she replies. “I’m sorry.”

She sees him look at her again.

“You come to this garden often,” he says.

“Yes. I like to walk around under the trees.” She holds her notebook closer. “I also like to write here.”

“Oh? Are you a writer?”

“No, no,” she says. “It’s more of a journal. For my thoughts.”

She sees him smile. 

“Sort of like – _‘Dear journal, today a kind stranger gave me his scarf because the fall weather was cooler than expected…’_ ” he replies.

“Something like that,” she agrees with a smile.

Suddenly, a loud buzz from inside Jun Su’s coat pocket interrupts them. He pulls out the cell phone and looks up sadly. “Perhaps we can meet again, Go Ha Jin-shi. Maybe under this ugly tree?”

“Oh, please don’t call it ugly,” she retorts quickly.

The strength in her voice surprises him.

“It’s…it’s my favorite tree,” she explains. “It’s my favorite tree in all of the garden.”

He looks at her and then takes a longer look at the tree – from the tallest branch down to the base.

“You know what – I think it’s my favorite tree too.” He smiles at her widely. “I’ll see you again, then? Under our favorite tree?”

She takes a moment before she nods. “Yes. Okay. Until next time.”

His smile grows as he waves and walks away.

Ha Jin sits quietly for a bit longer before settling on putting away her journal in her bag. She wraps the scarf around her neck a little tighter before going home.

\--

They meet. Again and again.

Ha Jin makes time to visit the gardens after work. She spends more and more time at her gardens.

She finds herself surprised every time Jun Su appears.

Sometimes, they meet for only ten minutes. Sometimes, for up to an hour.

Every meeting feels like an instant for Ha Jin.

He tells her about his job as a professor at a nearby college. He tells her that he’s an only child and how his father passed away a few years ago but he’s always been a mama’s boy anyway. He tells her that he likes scary movies, that he only eats ttukbokki with a glass of cold Coca Cola, that he has two left feet and is the world’s most uncoordinated person.

It would be so easy to compare Jun Su to him. But Ha Jin doesn’t let herself.

Because she knows if she does, it would only hurt her more.

Instead, she finds herself laughing at Jun Su’s stories of his childhood growing up all over the world (eating baklava for the first time and getting it stuck to all of his teeth). She finds herself smiling whenever he talks about his mom with so much love and admiration (how he surprised her with a puppy for her birthday only to realize she was allergic but she refuses to let him go because now the puppy is a part of their family – and how Jun Su thinks she loves the dog more than him). She finds herself getting lost in his words when he describes his goals for teaching children who don’t have the means to receive the best education possible.

Ha Jin doesn’t compare Jun Su to So. Or to Wook. Or to Baek Ah. Or to anyone.

Ha Jin doesn’t compare Jun Su to anyone.

Except herself.

She begins to compare all of his goodness and education and happiness to her broken body and heart.

She keeps meeting Jun Su at the gardens.

But as she notices his smiles growing warmer and wider for her, she wonders how much longer she will be able to meet him like this without hurting him.

And without hurting herself.

\--

Her shift is nearly over. Ha Jin is relieved to be going home soon after a long and busy day of business. She enjoys helping customers and getting to know her clientele, but sometimes, she finds herself growing tired and weary.

She’s changed into her normal attire, hanging up her uniform and badge for the day. She bows and greets her coworkers before leaving the shop when she sees a familiar figure.

“Jun Su-shi?” she says.

He’s standing awkwardly at a nearby post until he straightens at her voice. He offers a big but cautious smile and waves.

“Hi.”

“Hello,” she says. “What are you doing here? How…how did you know I worked here?”

He scratches the spot over his eyebrow and shrugs sheepishly. “You mentioned once that you worked at a cosmetic store. I assumed it must be close to the gardens. I did some research and sort of walked around…”

“You walked around different stores looking for me?”

He shakes his hands out in front of him. “That makes me sound crazy. No, I swear, I’m not a stalker. I’m just – I was just…”

She waits, watching him struggle.

“You haven’t been to the garden in a while. I – I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks,” he begins. “I’ve been waiting and…and you haven’t come. I thought maybe something happened. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t have your phone number or any way to contact you so I just thought…”

Ha Jin’s eyes grow wide as she slowly drops her head.

“I…I also wondered if maybe I did something wrong,” he continues. “I thought maybe…maybe I offended you somehow. Or maybe, maybe you didn’t want to see me again…”

She looks up then and sees how vulnerable he is.

She’s seen this look before. A long time ago. She doesn’t want to compare. But it’s all too familiar.

“I…I told you once, about a person that you remind me of,” she answers, voice trembling. “That person, he…he meant a lot to me. Everything. I loved him deeply. And I hurt him deeply.”

Ha Jin takes a step closer, afraid her voice, her words won’t reach Jun Su.

“I left him. I left him without saying goodbye.”

She sees him take in her words, sees his eyes search for hers. She wipes away her tears, blinking over and over.

“You look so much like him, and it…it just hurts sometimes to be with you.”

The words feel heavy with truth. Ha Jin doesn’t realize how heavy until they leave her lips. 

She misses So. Misses him so much. Hates herself for what she’s done to him. Leaving him.

But more than that – she hates that Jun Su makes her feel something. Something she hasn’t felt since she looked up at a glowing Pegasus on a dark night in Goryeo.

And it hurts. It hurts that her heart can grow again. 

“I’m sorry.”

She looks up and finds Jun Su has come closer.

“I – I saw it, you know. I saw that sometimes, the look in your eyes. They would cloud with something so…so sad. Sometimes, when you looked at me, all I saw were tears you wouldn’t let fall. Every time I saw you like that, I only wanted to bring happiness to you,” he whispers. “That look in your eyes, it made me crazy.”

Her breath catches in her chest.

“I don’t want you to feel this way. I – I’m sorry, Ha Jin-shi.”

Slowly, he takes one long last look at her, his hand almost reaching out to touch her. Instead, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small black notebook.

“Here, take this.”

She looks at his hand. 

“It’s my journal. I started one too. After you told me about yours, I thought I would start one too. I’m not sure why, but…well, here. Please take it.” He moves closer and places it in her hands. Suddenly, he leans in. “Thank you.”

“For what?” she whispers in between tears.

He shrugs with a small sad smile. “For being you.”

She watches him turn away, walking further and further until she loses him in the crowds again. She wonders if this is the last time she will see him walk away (hates that the thought hurts her so).

She holds his notebook in her hands.

This feeling of losing someone is all too familiar. She thinks she should be accustomed to it now, but no amount of time can change the human heart.

\--

Ha Jin doesn’t look at the notebook for a full month. She lets it sit on her dresser at home as if both precious and poisonous.

She passes it before getting ready for work. She sees it in the corner of her eye before falling asleep.

She tries her best to ignore it without letting it leave her sight.

One day, she feels brave as the weather grows colder and closer to winter. She decides to have courage and visits her garden to see the changing season.

She walks under the trees that are now bare and offer no shade. She tries to warm herself under her thick jacket only to feel a familiar pang in her left knee.

Ha Jin turns and finds her tree. She’s rooted to the floor at what she sees.

Her favorite tree stands out from all the others as it grandly holds most of it’s leaves on it's thick branches. The sight nearly brings tears to her eyes.

She walks over to it. Today, she stands on the bench and touches her tree.

“Were you waiting for me?” she whispers, fingertips gliding across the cold trunk. “I’m sorry I was away. I was afraid to come back. “

She laughs then. “I’ve been afraid of a lot of things, haven’t I?”

She lowers herself and sits on her bench. A light breeze picks up as white dust begins to fall from the sky.

Slowly, she takes out the small dark notebook from her pocket. She takes a breath and opens it.

_This is much harder than I thought it would be. A journal. Who thought I would ever have a journal. I suppose most people would assume I’d like one or would do well with writing since I am a professor. However, a journal about myself is different. It’s quite difficult._

Ha Jin smiles at the messy handwriting.

She slowly begins to read each page. Rereading ones that make her laugh.

_This afternoon, a student fell asleep during my lecture and began to snore so loudly, I had to stop and wake him. Have I become that boring already? Maybe I should insert jokes in between key points._

Her hands glide over the worn pages as she flips page after page.

_Ha Jin-shi shared something about herself today! Most of the time, I feel as if I am the only one talking, mostly about me. Terrible things about me – I even told her I couldn’t dance! But today, she told me she dreams of living by the ocean. Somewhere peaceful and calm. She’s so interesting – sometimes, when she talks, it sounds like she’s lived a lifetime already. Needless to say, today was a successful day with Go Ha Jin – the girl with my scarf._

Her hands still at the small heart he’s drawn in after the sentence.

Her heartbeat starts to speed up.

_I rarely dream, but last night, I had one. I can hardly remember it – that can’t just be me, right? Not everyone remembers their dreams do they? All I can recall though is riding a horse and taking Ha Jin-shi to the sea. This must be because she told me about her dream to live by the ocean, right? The odd thing was, we were both dressed in olden garb – Ha Jin-shi was in a beautiful hanbok-like outfit. I swear, when I woke up, I could feel the outline of a flower pin in my hands…_

Ha Jin’s hands grow cold. She can’t read any more as her tears are causing everything to go blurry.

She begins to flip through the book quickly catching words like – _stars, moon, promises, dreams._

It’s enough for her to feel faint and dizzy.

She sits under her tree for hours, holding a notebook of memories from him. 

As she sits looking up at the dark sky, she sees the leaves start to fall from her tree.

She wishes he were with her right now.

\--

“Please read next two chapters in advance for next week’s lecture. Also, please prepare discussion questions, as we will be going over them thoroughly. Lastly, try to have a safe and happy weekend.”

Jun Su hears a resounding ‘ _Yes_ ’ from his pupils as they begin to pack up their books and leave.

He greets some of them as they leave and starts to pack his own papers and belongings.

When the class finally empties, he picks up his bag, ready to leave. When he turns, he sees her standing quietly by the door. Her hair’s down and she’s holding his scarf in her hands, close to her chest.

“Ha Jin-shi,” he says. He sees her smile and nod.

“Hello,” she greets with a bow. 

“Hello.”

She looks around slowly. “Could I speak with you? If you have some time, that is.”

Jun Su puts his bag back down on the desk. “Of course.”

He quickly searches her, tries to see if something may have happened to her to cause her to be here. Instead, he finds that she appears calmer than he’s ever seen her. A wave of relief washes over him.

“I’ve come to return this to you.” Ha Jin pulls the familiar small notebook from her pocket and stretches it out towards him. 

He takes a few steps closer to retrieve it. “You didn’t have to – “

“I was waiting for you at the gardens for a week, but you never came.”

He stills, surprised by her confession. “I – I didn’t want to go back in case you were there. I didn’t want to ruin the garden for you. It was yours first.”

She smiles, lowering her head. “Yes, that’s what I assumed.” 

Jun Su looks down at his notebook. “Did you…read it?”

She nods her head. “Yes,” she replies. “I enjoyed it actually.”

“You did?”

“Much more than you will ever know.” She nods again before taking a step closer. “May I be honest with you?”

“Of course,” he nods.

“The last time we met, all of the things I said to you, I was being honest then too. But that honesty, it scared me. You weren’t trying to hurt me, I know that. Yet, I felt pained by you, by your kindness. Because it is different than the person I loved before. You are different than the person I loved before.”

Ha Jin takes a moment to close her eyes and breathe.

“However, I believe that somehow, that person that I used to love, has found you. Somehow, he found you. He brought you to me. Because you are mine. And I am yours.”

She shakes her head as she smiles. “Perhaps this all sounds a bit crazy and perhaps this is too much for you to handle right now. But I am being honest with you and most importantly – I am being honest with myself. We both may need some time to get to know each other better, to spend more time together. I am willing to wait. I have waited before, you see. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. I am good at waiting. But please, I will ask of you to not make me wait too long.”

Jun Su sees the girl standing before him – long dark hair, white dress with white flowers. A vision flashes suddenly and he sees her – except it’s not her – except it _is_ her but she’s wearing a familiar flower pin in her hair.

This doesn’t make sense, this overwhelming feeling that he’s been carrying with him since those dreams of Ha Jin began. The suffocating feeling of needing to see her happy, needing to see her smile and laugh. The feeling that he’s felt her hand in his before. The feeling that she’s the only person in the world that he needs.

But if he’s being honest with himself, he feels it. It’s the only thing that makes sense to him.

He crosses the distance between them quickly, taking her hand in his.

She smiles and closes the distance, enveloping into him.

He feels her calm, even heartbeat against his chest.

“Can you explain all of this to me?” he asks suddenly. "Have we met before?"

It’s the only question that comes to him. The only one that seems to matter.

She takes a moment before looking up at him.

She shakes her head. “No.” She takes his hand in hers and smiles. “No, because from this moment, this is the story of Go Ha Jin and Lee Jun Su. This is our story.”

\--

**Author's Note:**

> I loved Moon Lovers, but I wanted a very satisfying ending. This is what I would have wanted to see. Randomly made up a future name for Wang So. Thought it was fitting. Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
